Prompt: ASoIaF's Kink Meme. Prompt here: Sansa, 28.
Disclaimer: All ASoIaF belongs to Martin, I gain nothing for this fanwork.
Word Count: 479
Author's Notes: Unbeta'd, all comments are welcome, thank you.
She wasn't prone to introspection, so the fact that she couldn't sleep and having those kind of thoughts about her family took her by surprise. As an unwanted surprise. All that she wanted was to concentrate and be Alayne, and yet, the thoughts came to her unbidden.
And as she stared to the ceiling on her room, she wondered: "I don't understand why I'm not dead. When your heart breaks, you should die".
And oh her heart had broken so many times. First with Bran's fall, she had spent days praying to the Gods to have mercy on her brother, that he lived. That her mother and father wouldn't have to know the grief of loosing a child. And that they didn't have to loose their brother. Such a joy it had been that Bran lived.
Then the loss of Lady, it had hit her harder than what she had thought, it had been like loosing a limb. She had been so angry at Arya, said words that she now regretted with all her being.
And then it had been the loss of her father. That had been the worst day of her life, seeing the her father die in front of her own eyes by his own sword had been devastating, she had felt nauseous, she had begun to hate Joffrey from that moment on. And things would only get worse, with both Arya and Jeyne going missing she had been completely alone and friendless. And how she missed them.
Another blow had been the news of Bran and Rickon's death. She didn't understand why the Gods had allowed Bran to live only to take him away. She had been full of anger and hate towards Theon. How could he simply just killed two little boys? Two children who had never done him any harm? What had made him do it?
She had allowed one glimmer of hope by befriending Margaery, only for her and her family to turn their backs on her the moment the Lannister cloak was placed on her shoulders.
And after that, it had been as if the Gods were mocking her by taking her brother and mother then. She had not been told the details directly, but she had listened to a couple of people gossiping about it. To know that they had been betrayed in such a horrific way, had shaken her to her core and had her crying during those few moment when she could. It wasn't fair, her family was good and kind and they were all dead.
She lost her rescuer too, poor foolish Dontos, also dead on the river.
And what did she have now? Nothing. So, why was she still alive? Why her of all people? Why did the Gods allow her to live when all those she loved and cared for were dead?
She didn't know.